First day back at work

I have a little under an hour of my first day back at work. Overall, going back was easier this time although I certainly wouldn't call it easy. It was inevitably helped by the fact that Gideon did the drop off in the morning. It is much easier for my brain to trick itself when I left little one smiling with her daddy than asleep in a crib or in the arms of a teacher and hopefully she will get used to school and have a routine before I have to do the drop off in 2 weeks.

The hard part is three fold: first, it is hard knowing that she is going to have a hard time establishing a routine and getting happy. My biggest worry here is her sleep habits-she likes to be held constantly during her sleep. I received a little blessing last night though as she climbed over to her sleeper-something she never does-and dosed off by herself-another thing she never does. It was like someone reaching down to let me know that everything was going to be alright. Second, she is more awake and active now and it is hard to give up watching her discover all the time. Third, and probably the most profound for me, is how boring and meaningless it feels to be at work. I remember feeling this when I came back with Joaquin too-like this is all there is? I think-and hope-that says more about the work than it does about working.